barbiebeauty

For years, I’ve watched people make New Year’s resolutions and set goals for the start of a brand new year. I have watched the campaign and seen the slogan “new year, new me” more times than I can count. This phrase is so popular, it has been used to advertise almost any product that guarantees a transformation. A week into the new year and many people are still riding the high of their new year, new me ambitions. Me on the other hand, I’m still riding the waves of everything I gained last year. And while I am not focused on a “new me”, I have spent countless hours reflecting on my growth, lessons learned and increasing my development for a better me. 2017 brought me lots of peace and contentment from learning how to deal with and execute these five things:

1. Exercising my power/strength – Last year, I prayed fervently for strength beyond my beliefs. While I’ve always cautioned myself about what I pray for, I wanted to grow physically, emotionally and spiritually. I needed God to show me I was stronger than what I perceived myself to be and he gave me exactly what I asked for. Death visited my family so much in 2017 that at one point it appeared we were immune to the idea of it. Sometimes, I had to be the comforter and often times I was being comforted. But each day, after presented with a different mountain, God gave me the strength to not only climb the mountain, but also give it the appeal of an easy task to those on the outside looking in. I remember receiving a text that read, “I’m thinking about you. I admire your strength and perseverance to strive forward. Keep your head up!” This indicated to me that people were truly watching how I handle my battles and I had an opportunity to show them how awesome my God is. He truly taught me how to move mountains.
2. Saying “no” without explanation – Although I don’t consider myself a “people pleaser”, I have definitely tried to meet the demands of my loved ones. When I couldn’t do what I was asked to do, I always felt the need to explain why I couldn’t do it. Long gone are those days. 2017 gave me the understanding that, “No” is a complete sentence and I don’t have to follow-up with any type of justification. If I didn’t feel like doing something, I simply didn’t do it. End of story!
3. Understanding the importance of my time – I always felt if people thought enough of me to invite me to their event, I should feel privileged about the opportunity to attend. However, I started finding myself tired, frustrated and drained trying to appear at multiple functions throughout the weekend. Then I started getting last-minute invitations and this would throw my entire agenda off trying to fit the activities of others into my already brimming schedule. And one day I decided, I was going to miss a function and rest. It was refreshing to stay at home, relax and take naps throughout the day. And from that day forward, I started prioritizing events and other people’s consideration of my time. If I did not receive at least a three-day notice, I was not attending. If I felt I was being invited to fluff party numbers, I was not attending. If I was only being imvited because I give the “good gifts”, I definitely wasn’t attending. Making time for me again was reinvigorating!
4. Disconnecting from people who emptied my cup – Whew! Enough said. I’ve tried to maintain friendships or some sort of relationship with people simply because we have history. I found myself around people that weren’t as committed to our relationship as I was or some that never wanted to be held accountable for their actions. And so, I let go. I refused to let people empty me that wouldn’t take the opportunity to refuel me when needed. People that never offered an encouraging word, people that always called when they needed something but never called to see if I was in need, people that never asked the simple question, “How are you?”, etc. were all dismissed without hesitation or explanation.
5. Connecting with people whom I could serve – I consider myself to have a very strong support system and whenever it appeared I could count myself out, someone was there to pick up the pieces. From needing a babysitter for my son to having dinner on the table, I never had to worry about my needs being met. Whether it was family, friends or colleagues picking up the pieces, my family was always taken care of. In 2017, I met a few young ladies that were sweet as pie but unfortunately shared some of the same struggles I had in previous years. Without hesitation, I stepped in and helped serve a need. It has been a blessing to give to others and pay forward all the good deeds that were done for me.

Last year I learned to let go of the past and free myself of failures and disappointments. I lost a lot but I gained so much more. I embraced a new perspective and stood firm in the declaration that it was my year, and now I am more than ready to build on my foundation.

1. I believe in afterlife and in my second life I would like to come back as a purple and gold butterfly.
2. I use coupons and/or price match to shop for everything, including clothes.
3. Prior to packing my suitcase for travel, I iron every item including nightclothes and tee shirts. I personally think it makes the suitcase lighter. (3B). When packing, clothes are arranged systematically. For example, the third bottom in the suitcase matches the third top.
4. I sleep with my eyes open.
5. Love Jones is my favorite movie.
6. I hate for people to leave hair on counters, in the sick, or in the bathtub. Whether it’s shedding hair from their head, pubic hair, facial hair, doesn’t matter…I hate it all.
7. I do a daily devotion every morning and a reflection of thanks every evening.
8. I (re)read The Bridges of Madison County and The Coldest Winter Ever every year.
9. I have about 50 gray hairs and they all sit at the center of my head so my stylist refuses to give me a middle part unless I insist.
10. I wear dresses often because it doesn’t require me to match two pieces together.
11. I didn’t drink my first soda until I was 21 years old. Now I can’t seem to kick the habit.
12. If I feel anxious prior to going to bed, I listen to the sounds of streaming water or Mariah Carey’s Emotions cd. Those are two things that can soothe me immediately.
13. I have a difficult time giving and following directions/routes to locations. I also struggle reading maps.
14. I wanted six kids. Seriously…
15. Chocolate cake and chocolate chip cookies with pecans were the only sweets/desserts I ate for the first 27 years of my life.
16. I don’t usually give people second chances but I let one guy break my heart three different times before deciding I needed to move on.
17. I love taking pictures and I use to take professional photos every year. I stopped the professional photos about five years ago but I still take pictures every week.
18. I am adamant about being on time for my son’s functions and activities but I’m usually late for my own.
19. Greenery excites me and I prefer being outdoors.
20. I firmly believe my grandmother died so my son could live (another story for another day).
21. Although I ran track for 16 years, I always said I would marry a basketball player. Ha! I married a runner.
22. My favorite color is purple.
23. Regardless of the occasion, I never have more than two alcoholic beverages in a social setting.
24. I am a Barbie collector.
25. I will text a person all day but refuse to answer their call. :  )

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” Abraham Lincoln

Growing up, I think we all heard the phrase “Happiness is a choice.” While we might have agreed with that statement, we were never taught happiness comes from within, so we spent most of our younger years looking for this “happiness” guy. We tried to find dude in friendships. We probably looked for him/her during recess every time we tried to play with the cool kids. Some even looked for him/her in their lunch kit, when they opted to give their favorite snack to their lunch partner. From the beginning, most people sought this feeling from other individuals.

For me, as I got older, validation became my new happy. It didn’t matter if the affirmation was coming from peers, adults or even younger kids that watched me do something great (in their eyes). Whether it was a compliment about my shoelaces being tied to perfection, being an awesome athlete or a highly intelligent student, every compliment received gave me pleasure. Unfortunately, my survival started to depend on someone else’s approval of me. And this led to a straight path to me becoming my worst enemy. I was very critical of myself, always looking for flaws to perfect, seeking the greatness in me…to show it off to others. My “happiness”…

During college, I met two of the most awkward but inspiring young ladies when we became roommates. One day, they came up with the genius idea to make a T-Chart and list all of our positive qualities on one side and our negative elements on the other side. The catch was, your positive characteristics had to outweigh your negative traits. We spent all day trying to complete this task. This opened our eyes to how badly we condemn ourselves. We ended this activity by sharing our lists and adding our very own positive thoughts to each person’s list.

Twenty two years later, I start every single year completing this task. I start my list off with physical distinctions because I think when you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you accomplish more. I am continuously learning things that are favorable about me. I have accepted that I am designed differently and that in itself has brought self satisfaction. Twenty two years ago, I found out my happiness had been stored away in the back of my mind. I had to bring “him” to fruition by changing my thoughts and feelings about myself. People often question how and why I do so many things alone. And my response is, “I am not alone. I am content and at peace with my “happiness.”

‘Happiness is not out there, it’s in you.”