You Can’t Miss What You Never Had

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This week is Teacher Appreciation Week and I was more than surprised to walk out of my house to a yard sign acknowledging my efforts as a teacher. While Teacher Appreciation Week serves as a culmination of the entire school year, I am fortunate enough to work with a staff that shows appreciation for each other all year.

In the beginning of my teaching career, I opted to go back “home” and teach in the very neighborhood in which I grew up. Realizing money would be a limited resource for me as an educator, I opted to give back my time. My students, athletes and parents always showed an appreciation for me, not with gifts, but with their actions.While outside stakeholders showered me with love, I was at a  school with administrators that pretended as if Teacher Appreciation Week didn’t exist. We never did ANYTHING! As a result, the declining morale continue to plummet and we begin to have a large turnaround at the end of every year. I never understood why it was such a big deal. In my mind, I came to work for the kids, not a gift. For 15 years I stayed on the campus with little to no acknowledgement for my talents and efforts as a teacher. And it never bothered me until I crossed the street.

During my second stint, I worked virtually. We were unable to gather during the time of “Teacher Appreciation” because many of us stayed in different cities. However, it was then I realized it doesn’t take much to show someone you care. Our administrators cancelled all meetings throughout the week and gave us the gift of time time. Everyday they found a restaurant where teachers could eat free or were provided a very good discount and would send us the information. At this point I started to realize how good it felt to be appreciated by the people that considered you to be an asset to their team. Parents are assigned to us by default. Administrators, in most cases, get to pick us. I started to realize  I didn’t care about being acknowledged in my first teaching position because it was something that wasn’t afforded to me. I slowly started to understand the phrase, “You can’t miss something you’ve never had.” Having this experience allowed me to realize how much the actions of the administrators at my first school killed the teaching spirit for so many of my fellow educators.

I’ve been in education 24 years and am currently at my third campus. I’ve been there four years and I can’t explain how thoughtful and considerate the administrators are of the staff members. While Teachers Appreciation Week is a great time to show your teachers how much you care, this is something they do often and it honestly feels much better to work in this space. Our administrators allow us to have some kind of activity every month with a theme and it’s usually accompanied by a free jeans pass. Yay for the jean passes!!! In addition to that, we have treats, lunch, breakfast and we do a Teacher of the Week every single week. While we had to spend Teachers Appreciation Week quarantined this year, they still found a way to make us smile. In addition to the yard sign, we had a drive thru faculty meeting. As we pulled through the bus ramp we were presented with lunch, dessert, a gift card and a token that I’m sure varied based on your gender. In addition to that, all meetings were cancelled this week, giving us the gift of time. While our administrators didn’t think this was enough, I know their hearts and they have the best intentions for those that support them daily. I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to have experienced my employers showing appreciation, with their words and their actions. Happy Teacher Appreciation Week to all my fellow educators! And if no one has told you today, please remember, “You are awesome and you make a difference in the lives of our most precious gifts. YOU ARE ESSENTIAL!”

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Traveling? Maybe, Maybe Not?

“We travel, some of us forever, to seek other states, other lives, other souls.”― Anaïs Nin

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Traveling has become a part of my self care. Sometimes it’s necessary to remove myself from family, friends, and even the voices in my head reminding me of all the things that need to be done. Last year, for the first time in my life, I took a staycation. I spent an entire weekend in a hotel, practically around the corner from my house, doing nothing. I had an opportunity to rid myself of any obligations for 72 hours. No phone calls, no school work, no responsibilities related to children, no career related events…72 hours to totally relax and bask in the calm.

This year we didn’t even start the planning for our annual vacation. Between the anticipation of senior activities, graduation and college decisions, a trip was the last thing on our minds. Now, with limited senior activities, postponed graduation dates and colleges unsure about campus openings in the fall, we’ve had an opportunity to discuss where we wanted to go and if we could possibly make it happen. Well of course we had a destination in mind, just no real plans. My trips for the year were to consist of…

  1. San Antonio, TX. – I don’t know what it is about San Antonio but I love it there! I do the same things over and over and over. I wanted to go to San Antonio and attend the state basketball tournament, go to a Spurs game and hang out on The Riverwalk. And of course, I would want to stop by the outlet in San Marcos. The day before we were scheduled to leave for this trip, the state tournament was cancelled and the NBA suspended the season.
  2. Las Vegas, NV. – This was a supposed to be a “Girl’s Gone Wild” Weekend. This trip was to include a group of seven cousins that included two sets of sisters. We have never traveled as a group of seven but we are always together having the best moments at family functions. So, we decided we would join together and let everybody pick an activity and really get to know what others enjoys doing. With this group we could definitely make the next “Girls Gone Wild” video. This trip was scheduled for September but we’ve halted all plans.
  3. Norfolk, VA. – While my son was not scheduled to run summer track this year, this is the home of AAU Nationals for 2020. As one of the coaches of a summer track program, I was going to travel with the team this year, on the hot, muggy bus. Fun, fun! However, my husband was going to fly in later in the week so we could enjoy a few activities together in Virginia. The AAU committee will release more information regarding activities and events this weekend so this one might happen.
  4. Mykonos, GR. – This is one of my bucket list trips. I have been anticipating taking this trip for quite some time. I’m always looking forward to seeing different beaches and experiencing the night life in other countries. Of course, I am interested in sightseeing and visiting the museums and monuments. Oh, and did I say relax?
  5. Turks and Caicos – This is actually my husband’s choice. Whenever he makes a suggestion, I just say, “Yes, I’ll go!” He has yet to disappoint so where he leads, I’ll follow.

Do you have any travel plans for the year? Where are you planning to go or are you going to play it safe this year and stay home?

 

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The Things We Take for Granted

“We never know the worth of water till the well is dry.” – Thomas Fuller

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I was recently sitting in a Zoom meeting and a teacher sent me a private message stating, “Hey, how are you? I really miss our talks in the afternoon.” I replied to her question followed by the statement, “The things we take for granted…”
While I have enjoyed the privilege of not getting up early and preparing myself to head into a brick and mortar setting, I don’t like the idea of having my work at home. For the most part, I have always kept work separate from home. Except for the five years I worked from home…needless to say I resigned for a reason. While walking into a school building every morning, I took for granted the smiling faces associated with a pleasant “Good morning!”. I miss the students asking me the same question 25 times only to interrupt me and tell me “I got it now!” during the 26th explanation. And I definitely miss the camaraderie in the afternoon when the final bell would sound.
I took for granted going to church on Sunday and stopping by the park in the afternoon. While I can still walk in the park, I can no longer sit on any equipment or park benches. I took for granted the busyness and laughter of kids running and playing. All is  quiet now because as soon as you approach an area, people start to scatter.
I took for granted the freedom of walking into the grocery store at my own discretion. Now I have to wait for a certain number of people to leave before I can enter. And they have a restricted number of people that can walk down each aisle. Nevermind the fact that some stuff I  determine I’ll do without because certain areas are too crowded to step into and deal with the hustle and bustle of people trying to move about as quickly as possible, particularly the fruits and veggie section.
I took for granted mingling with parents, coaches and other athletes at track meets and basketball games. Sitting in crowds so large  you’re constantly saying, “excuse me” for stepping on someone’s foot or accidentally kicking someone in the back. But in those times, all was forgiven because in that moment we were a family.
More importantly, I took for granted how busy I had become with life. I was busy living it and not enjoying it. Busy being busy. These last few weeks my mind and body have revealed to me it was time for a break. Just the idea of slowing down has my mind spinning as if I absolutely need something to consume me from sun up to sun down.
In these moments, I’ve realized how I’ve taken for granted how pleasant my very own neighbors are. Instead of looking forward to parents at the track meets, I look forward to seeing their smiling faces walking in the evening, playing basketball in the front yard or the pleasantries exchanged walking to and from the mailbox. What I really took for granted was family time. We were so engrossed with all of our “extracurricular” often times we failed to assemble at the dinner table. I took for granted how important Game Night or Movie Night is to our family.
While I miss life as we have known it for quite some time, I will not take for granted this very moment. Instead of reminiscing on what used to be, I will focus on what it is right now.
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No Sports??!?

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I keep a very busy schedule in the spring and summer and much of that is attributed to being the mom of an athlete. With the spread of Covid-19 and the cancellation of sports, life has taken a drastic turn for us. While we’ve tried to remain hopeful, it seems the idea of finishing our final season has come to an end. I’ve noticed that many people become annoyed hearing parents talk about their kids “being in the middle of a season” during this time. And many people find us selfish in wanting our kids to finish the season. But the reality of it is, this is bigger than sports.

Many of us have kids that are seniors and have missed the last opportunity to fellowship with teammates. Some will never get a chance to say their final “farewell” and “thank you” to many of the coaches that have helped us nurture our kids and support them on their high school journey. Some of these athletes serve as mentors and provide guidance to their teammates as it relates to the recruiting process. And some will miss the opportunity to seek financial assistance to obtain higher education by way of athletic scholarships.

While many people don’t understand the world of sports, the reality is the combination of an academically and athletically sound student is a recipe for college acceptance and financial awards. Many of the parents I know are willing to pay for their students to attend college, but these student-athletes feel fulfilled, gratified and proud of their accomplishments which have resulted in scholarship opportunities. While our top priority is the safety of our kids and our families, we just wanted a chance to take one more picture, smile one more time at their success and have the chance to support them in seeing this journey to the end. We wanted a last chance to say, “You’ve carried out this journey to the end. You gave your best. You have closed this chapter. Job, well done!”

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Oranjestad, Aruba

20191221_164040I’m sure many of us are sitting in the house taking this time to reflect, relax, and regroup. Some of us are spending more time exercising, reading, learning new crafts and enjoying family. Many of us that spend a lot of time on social media have probably used this time to look through our 7,982 selfies and all the pictures that show our delight when we were able to socialize and hang with our friends.

One of the last trips I took before this pandemic was a trip to Aruba. I wanted to travel somewhere quiet and calm but near the water. Aruba was the perfect place to go to experience this tranquility and stillness. Oranjestad was busy and magnificently quiet at the same time. I spent everyday on the beach and while there were thousands of people hanging out, it was almost as if I was in seclusion. The indescribable joy I experienced gazing out at the clear blue water, listening to the sultry sounds of nature and watching families relish in some of the most blissful moments made the trip even more incredible.

While it’s not a secret that I love the beach, few people know I love butterflies just as much. I knew there was a Butterfly Farm and I almost opted to skip the chance to visit because of the holiday schedule. It was closed most of the days I was there but on the last day, it opened. I had an internal battle with myself as to whether or not I should go and I’m glad I chose to stop by. It was a glorious sight to be surrounded by the beauty that is the butterfly.

Typically when I travel, I scratch the place off the list and look towards the next adventure. However, Aruba is definitely worth doing again sooner rather than later. As I sit back reminiscing, looking at the pictures, and watching videos of the crashing waves, I can’t help but remain at peace and appreciate the opportunities to experience and explore.

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Self-Care 2020

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Working out before we had to practice social-distancing.

2020 has definitely forced us to reassess and take time to reevaluate what’s important. Self-care was a top priority for me in 2020 and being quarantined has given me time to self-reflect and focus on getting organized and smashing some goals.

My number one priority was to focus on healing. Learning to forgive others and forgive myself for the times I underestimated who I am capable of becoming has been one of my greatest joys. Therapy has provided me a sense of peace and a happiness that had been lost long ago. Even during this time I can attend therapy live or virtually so that idea was very  promising on this journey.

My favorite hobbies are reading and journaling. These are two things that bring me solace. I allowed myself to become so overwhelmed with my responsibilities that I forgot to take time out to enjoy simple pleasures. My goal for the year was to continue reading for enjoyment. I was reading for academia purposes and for training purposes at work, but there is nothing more enjoyable than just reading for sheer pleasure. I’ve had the opportunity to read two books every month in 2020 and my reading selections have brought me so much entertainment. I was also gifted a journal for Christmas and whew! The journal has given me a chance to revisit my past and it also allows me to seek answers from others as to how I am perceived. The great thing about this activity is the questions warrant positive responses but when people are brutally honest, yeah…lol

Working out is also relaxing for me. A couple of summers ago I worked out every day and it was challenging to push myself daily. I worked out twice a day and while I found myself exhausted many days, I endured it all for the sake of my health. (Petite does not equate to healthy and getting people to understand that is very difficult.) This year,  I wanted to start working out at least three times a week just for the sake of getting fresh air and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Lately, I’ve been able to work out at least five days a week and I can spend as long as I want just enjoying the outdoors.

How are you managing during this time? Are you learning new crafts or mastering old ones? Are you exercising or waiting to fill out your application for My 600-lb Life? Are you knocking out goals or still trying to figure out what you want to accomplish? Whatever it is you’re doing, stay safe and take care of you and your loved ones.

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“Heal the Girl and the Woman Will Appear” – Part 2

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Mental health is essential to your overall functioning. It impacts your thoughts, behaviors, and your capacity to cope in life. While my motivation for starting therapy was my needing an outlet as I tried to adjust to life without my dad; I actually felt the need for therapy many years prior to my dad even falling ill. My initial thoughts of needing therapy started approximately 12 years ago when I found myself exhibiting behaviors that were self-destructive. I was very aggressive with people, noting it as being competitive or passionate. I had a nonchalant attitude about life and was sometimes very inconsiderate of people’s feelings and/or their efforts. I was struggling to deal with my own sanity and I began to become frightened of the impact my emotional stability would have on my son. So, I kept saying, “I’m going to find a therapist. I’m going to sit on somebody’s couch.” But I never did. Internally I made the decision I was going to pray my worries away. All I needed was God and time.

Over the last few years, God has really shown me his sense of humor. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and he will make your paths straight.” In trusting I started doing daily devotions, at least twice a day, which consisted of reading and analyzing scripture followed by prayer . I took on the role of facilitating Sunday School classes, taught a couple of Vacation Bible School classes, and I starting paying my tithes consistently. In seeking and trusting Him, He set me on a path, straight to a therapist. Sitting in therapy, God has forced me to become honest with myself. I always understood the idea of Him knowing my truth but it didn’t stop me from dressing up a lie for myself or the world.

My parents put a lot of emphasis on being neat. While we didn’t spend large sums of money on clothes and shoes, we could have still been placed in the category of “best dressed” at all times. We were clean , matching and our hair was always in tact. As I grew older, my appearance became a part of my facade. I always looked like I had it together and I played the role of having it together all too well. During my teenage years when my self esteem started to falter due to the various phases of life that all teenagers experience, I continued to hold on to what my parents taught me about presentation. It was the easiest way to dress my life up, I mean my dress my lies up. I lived in the neighborhood of falsehood for many years. I am so relieved to have allowed my therapist to help me unmask. My trauma has molded me but I will never let it define who I am to become. Therapy has given me the freedom to release my own truth and become greater than I ever imagined.

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“Heal the Girl and the Woman Will Appear” – Part I

“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.” -David Richo

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Exactly six months ago, I posted my last blog post. The day before I would have posted my weekly post, I received a phone call saying my dad had passed. While I was very much in tune with my dad’s health crisis, having multiple visits with him every week, I was still devastated and heartbroken. His last words to me before he lost his speech were, “Baby, I’m trying.” While talking to him the day before he perished the earth, he tried to respond to me by simply nodding his head and grunting. Because my dad was a strong willed man and very stubborn, I believed wholeheartedly he would recover and we would share many more days together. But God had a different plan. He had a plan that didn’t care about my selfishness. And He had a plan that would no longer allow suffering to be a part of my dad’s daily life. As I walked the streets in a daze for several days following my father’s death, I knew life would never be the same for me. In trying to accept that, I started to wonder, “How will I do life?”

Two days after my dad passed I made a decision to do something I had been telling myself I would do for years. I accessed my benefits online to determine what services were available to me and with tears in my eyes I contacted a therapist. I scheduled a consultation based on the date of my dad’s homegoing celebration but I immediately started to wonder what people would think of me because I needed to see a “shrink”. Everything in me kept screaming I needed to cancel but I knew I needed help like never before. I kept stressing myself saying things in my head like, “Black people don’t go to counseling.” or “You’ve got to be weak if you can’t deal with your problems on your own.” Four days after we laid my father to rest, I had my first session.

During my first month of therapy I’m sure my co-pay was being used to purchase more Kleenex for the office because I’m sure I used a box every week. Approximately six weeks into therapy I was instructed to journal about each of my grandparents and each grandparent was to have a week of their own. All of my grandparents are deceased so this was a very arduous process for me. I had no desire to write about my beloved grandparents who were resting peacefully. However, this set the tone for helping me understand why I respond to things as I do. More importantly, it forced me to become more accountable for how I act or react. I realized what I considered passion was aggression. I started to understand my struggle of needing to do all things in a precise manner. More importantly, I started to grasp how people used the idea that I thought I was better than others to manipulate me while I was constantly trying to prove I never thought I was better than anybody. Believe me, finding your triggers serve as a real wake up call in your life.

Six months later, therapy has become my safe space. Some sessions I cry real tears and some days I laugh so hard I question my own identity. I wish I could say therapy has kept me from grieving but that would be a lie. What therapy has taught me is I have the right to grieve and not a soul gets to determine how I grieve and/or set a timeline for how long I can grieve. I’ve learned many things about myself including the idea that I don’t have to be strong all the time. This was a toxic trait I picked up from my dad, believing I could do it all, if necessary. I never realized how accommodating I was and how much I pacified people until I started going to therapy. “No” has become the most powerful phrase in my vocabulary. The most important thing I’m learning is to stop giving people my power. There are some people close to me in this world that, unfortunately, have an impure mindset. I’ve always allowed these few people to upset me to the point of ruining my day on more occasions than I should have. These days I can ignore them and keep moving forward. I’m starting to exist in a world where I am finally starting to not only learn, but experience my true self and it has become the safest place I’ve ever lived.

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Polka Dot.Com

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You can never go wrong with black and white. People are constantly throwing parties with black and white themes because black and white clothes are easily accessible. People buy black and white for work, interviews, church functions and the list goes on. Therefore, I keep black and white stored away for those occasions that call for the neutral colors I generally shy away from.

This number was found on the clearance racks at a small store called Shasta. It was reasonably priced and a quick find for a 40th birthday celebration. Like most of my dresses, I tried to find something that was multi-purpose. I figured I could always pair it with a pair of white canvas tennis shoes or heels. This dress could serve as attire for a party, a picnic or to hang out on The Boardwalk. When shopping, do you think long term and  look for versatile pieces or do you buy attire to satisfy the need in that moment?

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Polka Dot Power

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Can we talk comfortable, cute and casual? This number from New York and Company is a must have if you love polka dots and maxi dresses. This dress is definitely multi-purpose. It can be worn to church, work, dinner and can even be worn as a cute, casual spring look if you’re going out for coffee or lunch.

Initially, I wanted to get the length of this dress altered but after putting it on and wearing it out of the house, I realized I loved the flow of it. It drags the ground but it’s not so long that I find myself tripping over it. I also like the fact that it is a full wrap dress that can withstand the wind without revealing anything and it allows me to move freely.

Similar to the last number, the dots are sizable which makes the dress more lively. I prefer longer dresses and skirts because it gives a slimmer appeal. And by the way, I always look for blue and white polka dots first. Do you have a preference of colors when selecting polka dots? Do you like prints and patterns or do you stick to the basics?

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